Bullying is a word that we are all familiar with. Body shaming is a phrase that has come to our attention in the last couple of years, but it is something that has been going on for a long time. I think that due to TV, movies and social media, that it is something that more people see and experience, now more than ever.
I have experienced bullying and body shaming my whole life and honestly, it is something that I pretend I can shrug off easily, but it has affected me, and my mental health, more than anyone might know or see. I know who I am, I know I am the fat mom and it sucks.
I am the FAT mom.
I keeps these effects in the dark, shadowy parts of my mind and I usually only think about them, but those thoughts affect my actions and dictate so much in my life. There are many things you can do and there are people out there willing to help. Some sites even provide in-depth guides. So, if you think you are alone, don’t.
I am the fat mom that makes sure her body is covered when she leaves the house.
I am the fat mom that will order food based on whether people are watching me or not.
I am the fat mom that always walks a little faster when people are behind her, because she doesn’t want to appear fat and lazy.
I am the fat mom that doesn’t post pictures of herself, unless it looks awesome, is edited properly and doesn’t show any of her extra chins.
I am the fat mom that can’t go on rides with her kids, even though she would give anything to, because she can’t fit on them safely.
I am the fat mom that misses out on certain things, like family photos, because she is too embarrassed by her body.
I am the fat mom that only wears clothing that covers all of her fat, because that is what she feels is socially acceptable.
I am the fat mom that still feels like everyone’s watching her, judging her and laughing at her inside their heads.
I am the fat mom that has tried to lose weight all of her life and hasn’t had much luck with any of it.
I am the fat mom that cries while she tries on new clothes.
I am the fat mom that constantly thinks her partner is going to fall out of love with her.
I am the fat mom that worries about dying young because of her weight.
I am the fat woman that was the fat girl, that never thought she would amount to anything.
So you see:
Bullying and body-shaming are the same thing and they affect us all in so many ways. Too fat, too skinny, too dark, too light, too black, too white, too short, too tall. It affects us all.
However, if we all try to fit into this cookie-cutter image that everyone seems to have in their heads, would anyone be happy? Would anyone be unique? Would anyone be considered beautiful, if we were all the same shape and size? Would anyone be considered exotic, if we were all the same color?
People tend to forget that it is the differences that make us special, it’s our “flaws” that make us unique and it’s our personalities and minds that make us truly beautiful.
I am the fat woman that still falls victim to bullying and body shaming, even when it is not put on me directly, and I probably always will be. I have, however, thanks to my husband and, believe it or not, social media, become more comfortable with who I am.
I hope that someday, no one will have to “become comfortable” with themselves, because they will already love themselves inside and out.